Beauty Supplies From Hell

Frito found this at GUYISM.COM. Strangely enough, Alli loves each and every one of these items. Here’s the segment.

8 Female Products That Make Me Glad I’m A Guy.

8 The Curling Iron The curling iron is shaped like a night stick, spring loaded and they’re commonly made from tourmaline, metal or titanium. They reach temperatures in excess of 200, and some of these hand-held nightmares may even reach temperatures of almost 400 degrees. The purpose of all of this? To curl hair. Alternative uses of the curling iron include assault and battery.

7 The Eyelash Curler The eyelash curler, used to curl eyelashes in order to make the eyes look bigger, looks like some combination of a medieval weapon and a modern dentistry tool. Both of which are miserable objects to encounter, let alone use near the eye. Worse, some women heat the curler with a hair dryer before use. Because using a metal object near the eye is not enough, apparently it must be heated.

6 Spanx Spanx is a popular brand of “shape wear” used to give women a slim and shapely appearance. The whole idea behind the squeezing material is to constrict the human body into a smaller space than gravity would allow. They’re like the anti-Long Johns. No thanks.

5 Push-Up Bras Although they’re lovely for men to admire, that’s where the fun ends. Breasts are sensitive, and these gussied-up torture devices squeeze and pinch pairs of innocent snuggle pups together and upwards with wires and nylon. Adding insult to injury, they’re expensive. If I had to pay for an uncomfortable device that compressed my male parts, and then walk around in it for several hours, I would be pissed off. Impressive in leather pants, but pissed off.

4 Lip Plumpers This is actually a real product. Regrettably, I tried it for the purpose of composing this list, and it felt like ants were crawling on my mouth. Lip plumpers typically work by irritating the thin, delicate skin of the lips with ingredients like menthol or camphor. This makes the lips swell slightly, which may also diminish the appearance of fine lines in that area. So to summarize: lip plumpers work by damaging skin.

3 Stilettos Another device that operates by challenging gravity. Stilettos lift a woman’s heel up and force the weight of the body onto the tips of their toes. The result? Swollen feet and possibly leg and back pain. Notably, they make walking difficult. So for those keeping score, stilettos are footwear that hurt the feet — and make walking difficult.

2 Hair Dye Although not uniquely a product for women, it’s women who keep the hair coloring industry afloat. Hair-dying involves putting chemicals all over the hair and scalp. Adverse effects include temporary skin irritation and allergy, hair breakage, skin discoloration and unexpected hair color results. “Hair lightening” is also referred to as “bleaching.” You may have heard of bleach — a common household cleaner.

1 The Cuticle Cutter This awful little contraption is designed to rip away the cuticle. The cuticle, mind you, was designed by Mother Nature to protect a person’s nail bed from infection. Nevertheless, the cuticle cutter is used to shorten and cut away the cuticle — to make the nail look better. Hopefully Mother Nature appreciates irony.