Donald Trump: How to do “the do”

Donald Trump has explained to us how he creates that monstrosity of a hairstyle every day.  In an interview with Rolling Stone, Donald says,

 “Okay, what I do is, wash it with Head and Shoulders.  I don’t dry it, though.  I let it dry by itself.  It takes about an hour.  Then I read paper and things . . . I also watch TV . . .  I then comb my hair.  Yes, I do use a comb.”

 The combing technique is where the real magic lies.  He says,

 “Do I comb it forward?  No, I don’t comb it forward.  I actually don’t have a bad hairline.  When you think about it, it’s not bad.  I mean, I get a lot of credit for comb-overs.  But it’s not really a comb-over.  It’s sort of a little bit forward and back.  I’ve combed it the same way for years.  Same thing, every time.”

 The Donald does admit one vice:  Soda.

 “I’ve never smoked a cigarette in my life.  I’ve never had a drink, never had a joint, never had any drugs, never even had a cup of coffee . . .I will say, though, that I like a little caffeine….I’ll drink water.  Sometimes tomato juice, which I like.  Sometimes orange juice, which I like.  I’ll drink different things.  But the Coke or Pepsi boosts you up a little.”

 He also says he gets a bad rap, but in his own humble opinion, he’s a nice guy.

 “I don’t want to ruin my image by saying this, but I’m a much nicer person than people understand.  I like to do the right thing and help people.  But when people are disloyal to me . . . I hold a grudge.  I have the longest memory.  I always kick back.  I believe in that.”

Sorry Donald…I’m not buying it.  Someone who finds so much joy in the words “You’re Fired” can’t be that nice of a guy…