Are Your Dating Expectations Too High?
Just in time for date night.. And no, Adam Knight, I am not giving advice so no need to bro code me on this.
Online Dating Could Be Keeping You From Meeting “The One”
According to Cosmo, that’s what psychologists from Northwestern University and Texas A&M University (whooop!) are suggesting after conducting research on daters. Here’s the deal: They essentially discovered that people tend to be pickier online than in person. Therefore, a woman who dates online could potentially miss out on meeting a great guy—just because that guy doesn’t fit the woman’s idea of what she thinks she wants in a partner.
The researchers observed subjects in a sort of simulated online dating experience and saw that they were most interested in the potential dates who matched their criteria for an ideal mate. Unsurprising. But here’s where it gets interesting: Once those subjects hung out in person, that criteria kinda went out the window. And daters found themselves clicking with people whom they weren’t interested in online.
“People have ideas about the abstract qualities they’re looking for in a romantic partner,” explained the lead author of the study, Paul W. Eastwick on Eurekalert.org. “But once you actually meet somebody face to face, those ideal preferences for traits tend to be quite flexible.”
Don’t worry, we’re not going to recommend you lower all your standards and write “I’ll go out with anyone!” in your profile—or quit online dating altogether. But this research makes us think that just because online dating sites allow you to be ultra picky (it’s as easy as checking off a few boxes saying you’re only interested in a man who’s over six feet and makes X amount of money per year), that doesn’t mean you necessarily should.
Here’s our suggestion: Stick to the traits that are most important to you, but feel free to leave some preferences blank. This way, you’re able to keep your standards high (as you should!), but you’re still allowing yourself to cast a wide net to find yourself a keeper. Because, if the research holds true, you’ll care a whole lot less about those so-called must-haves when you’re sitting across from the guy at dinner.
This got me to thinking, do people still have unrealistic checklists when looking for a partner? No matter how good a guy looks on paper or how many of the traits he might possess that you’ve been carefully calculating your entire dating life, he could still be a total waste of your time. And, haven’t you noticed sometimes it’s the people we least expect, the ones we often count out, that we have the greatest connection with? At the end of the day isn’t connection more important than a resume?
So my question is, are there certain characteristics, whether online or in real life, that you have to have in a boyfriend/girlfriend? What are the top 3 things you refuse to budge on? And, are you or someone you know so obsessed with this list in your quest for the perfect partner that it’s keeping you single? (..and probably bitter?)
Just how high are your dating expectations?