How to Pull a Robbery

No, not that kind.

This past weekend, my friend was out at a bar meeting up with a guy from her class. She had a major crush on him and she was super excited he’d asked her out.. so why did she end up with his best friend?

The answer? It was a classic robbery. And here’s how it happened:

How to Pull a Robbery

1. Pick the right target: This is important. The guy was good, he knew that the best girls for this are the ones that obviously do not know someone very well. She’s not intimately touching him and maybe her arms are crossed or her attention is at times elsewhere. In other words ladies, anytime you look like you’re bored of one guy, that’s like an open invitation to other guys.

2. Patiently wait for a distraction. A lot of things happen in a bar when a guy has to turn away. This is what got my friend. Her date went to the restroom and literally took forever. Of course she ended up with someone else.. and though the guy is sort of mad about it now, that’s his own fault.

And remember, when a drunk idiot tries to approach a girl on the dance floor who’s actively dancing with another guy.. things never end well.

Advice from the Text Line: A pause is needed. For the first few seconds of your approach, the robbery victim shouldn’t even know that his prospect is getting hollered at. He should back turn around, see his chick enjoying a chat with you, and think, “wtf?!”

Advice from the Text Line: Do not let your girl out of your sight until you make out with her. Going to the bathroom on a girl you haven’t kissed is a risk in sausagefest environments.

3. Do not engage the guy. Don’t be friendly with him and don’t make eye contact with him, because it will just give him an in to come back. And without that he just has to sit back and hope she ditches you.

Advice from the Text Line: Make sure the guy is smaller than you. If a fight is to break out, you’re not going home with the girl if you get your @$# kicked.

4. This one is absolute genius. But make sure you lower his game. How? You know he’s watching every move you make.. so tell the girl, “By the way, that guy you were talking to is staring at us pretty hard right now. I think he likes you a lot.” Almost always the girl will discount him by saying, “Yeah I just met him.” Sometimes she’ll hate on him outright. A girl will never say “I should go back and talk to him.” Never. I guarantee that.

5. Prevent the reverse robbery. Let’s be honest.. the guy is going to be mad. He’ll probably stand sulking nearby, staring hard. The smarter guys realize what’s going on and say something like, “Oh hey, I lost you for a second.” But it’s super important to change locales.. so that any appearance by the guy makes it seem like he’s stalking her. If he pops up at the next place, she’ll label him a creeper.

Advice from the Text Line: Rookie Mistake– You may be wondering, “Won’t the girl immediately turn me down if I approach when she still wants to talk to the other guy?” No.

Think about it, she may want to make the guy jealous by talking to you, never guessing that your game is tighter and she will actually become more attracted to you instead.

But remember, your robbery attempt will only succeed if your overall value is higher than the guy’s. If you’re a loser and the other guy is obviously way cooler than you.. you’re doomed.

Advice from the Text Line: You will not even rob a pack of bubblegum if your game is weak.

Have you ever pulled a robbery?

-Katy