Girl Scout Season

Friday, Jan. 6 marks the start of the 2012 Girl Scout Cookie Program. A time innocent looking children who just happen to also be master manipulators will successfully sell over 200 million boxes of cookies to unsuspecting locals.. who end up spending their hard-earned income on devil cookies.

Being the 100th year, they’ve also created a new cookie: Savannah Smiles.

And @*!&^! if that lemon wedge coated in powdered sugar doesn’t look delicious.

In the spirit of the season, here’s four reasons why I hate the Girl Scouts.

Questionable Sales Tactics: They know they are adorable, and they try and utilize this cuteness to ensnare you and your wallet.. as soon as you leave a grocery store, you’re bombarded by cherub cheeked children screaming at you. Girl Scouts are like the homeless only with more strategy.. and generally better hygiene.

And what about the kids of the people you know? Like say, your boss? How do you say no to that? I always end up buying a bunch of boxes of Tagalongs that tend to tag-along on my @*& until the next cookie season.

They Can’t Break Your Twenty: Has anyone else noticed the Girl Scouts never have change? So if you really want that box of Caramel Delights.. you’re now going to have to buy $20 worth. Well played GS.

It doesn’t matter that you just saw them accept a handful of singles, these scouts are ruthless in this no change policy. And their parents will just shake their heads as if to indicate they are not responsible for the shameless hustlers their spawn have become. This no change scam has been going on for years.

They Set Up Shop in Unavoidable Locales: These monsters are everywhere. Your new years resolution ends tomorrow my friends. AND there’s now an app for this!

Pricing Scams: Save 50 cents when you buy a box outside city limits? I’ve paid $3.50 – $4 for Thin Mints depending on what part of Houston I am in. What is with the price gouging? Are the mini master manipulaters trying to rip-off naive city dwelling customers?

Just in case it’s not totally obvious, this blog is a joke. I do not condone hating children (openly). I am well aware that the Girl Scouts organization is a wonderful socialization group for little girls and promotes healthy development.

And yes, I will buy your @(*%*# cookies. Why? Because they are delicious and I am weak.

How do you feel about cookie time?