The Official Oscars Drinking Game

The biggest night in the movie industry is tomorrow.  Be sure to catch the The Academy Awards starting at 6 PM on ABC.  Doesn’t sound like your cup of tea?  Well there is a drinking game for this event!  Beware this is a four hour ceremony, and could do some heavy damage if you’re not careful.  See rules below:

ONE DRINK

  • Every time an award winner thanks God.
  • Each time the camera pans to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
  • Each time an award winner says “I didn’t expect to win” and then pulls out a prepared speech.
  • For each joke referencing the 2012 election.
  • For every dead celebrity in the dead celebrity montage you’ve never heard of.
  • For every awkward joke making fun of the French, Jean Dujardin or “The Artist.”
  • Every time an Oscar nominee is accidentally caught giving the Oscar winner in their category side-eye.
  • Any time an award winner forgets to thank their famous spouse.
  • When an award winner tells their kids watching at home to “go to sleep now.”
  • Any time an award winner is cut off by the orchestra mid-speech.

ONE SHOT

  • Every time someone trips on her dress.
  • For all jokey references to Uggie the dog winning Best Actor.
  • For any reference by Billy Crystal to Ricky Gervais’s terrible hosting.
  • For any reference by Billy Crystal to James Franco and/or weed.
  • For any vaguely political acceptance speech. Take another shot (preferably of south-of-the-border produced tequila) if it expressly references Rick Santorum.
  • For any reference to “Holllywood magic,” especially during any special effects awards presentations
  • For any other typical self-aggrandizing Hollywood cliches, including but not limited to “magic makers,” “we make children laugh,” etc., etc.

SHOTGUN AN ENTIRE BEER

  • If “The Help” wins Best Picture.

-Krash