The Official Oscars Drinking Game
The biggest night in the movie industry is tomorrow. Be sure to catch the The Academy Awards starting at 6 PM on ABC. Doesn’t sound like your cup of tea? Well there is a drinking game for this event! Beware this is a four hour ceremony, and could do some heavy damage if you’re not careful. See rules below:
- Every time an award winner thanks God.
- Each time the camera pans to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
- Each time an award winner says “I didn’t expect to win” and then pulls out a prepared speech.
- For each joke referencing the 2012 election.
- For every dead celebrity in the dead celebrity montage you’ve never heard of.
- For every awkward joke making fun of the French, Jean Dujardin or “The Artist.”
- Every time an Oscar nominee is accidentally caught giving the Oscar winner in their category side-eye.
- Any time an award winner forgets to thank their famous spouse.
- When an award winner tells their kids watching at home to “go to sleep now.”
- Any time an award winner is cut off by the orchestra mid-speech.
- Every time someone trips on her dress.
- For all jokey references to Uggie the dog winning Best Actor.
- For any reference by Billy Crystal to Ricky Gervais’s terrible hosting.
- For any reference by Billy Crystal to James Franco and/or weed.
- For any vaguely political acceptance speech. Take another shot (preferably of south-of-the-border produced tequila) if it expressly references Rick Santorum.
- For any reference to “Holllywood magic,” especially during any special effects awards presentations
- For any other typical self-aggrandizing Hollywood cliches, including but not limited to “magic makers,” “we make children laugh,” etc., etc.
SHOTGUN AN ENTIRE BEER
- If “The Help” wins Best Picture.