8 Things That Will Definitely Happen In Tonight’s NCAA Championship Game

1. Anthony Davis’ unibrow will become sentient and block a shot. Then it will kill itself and the world will be shocked to find out that Anthony Davis is actually not a bad lookin guy.

2. Every Thomas Robinson dunk will be accompanied by an increasingly badass screams until one shatters the glass.

3. The Kansas Jayhawk will attempt to kill Bill Self, only to have Bill Self’s saintly toupee kick some Jayhawk ass.

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