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DON’T DATE Your Friends EX!!!

Cutting through Katy’s Bad Advice: Real Relationship/Dating Answers from Adam Knight!

Despite what you may have heard: IT IS NEVER OK TO DATE YOU FRIEND’S EX!!!

Askmen’s David Wygant is WRONG and Katy is spreading dangerous misconceptions and advice. Here’s her article: http://wp.me/p1iMxU-6Pc

 Katy the hopeless romantic, the very young, very naïve midday DJ on Candy 95 has given you guys some bad advice.  Guys, Bro Code Rule #87 clearly states, “A Bro never dates his friend’s EX.”  And more importantly Bro Code Rule #150 gets more graphic, but basically says, “A Bro never has sex with his friend’s Ex, UNLESS, she is a 9 or 10, then it’s okay to hit it and quit it.”

 Honestly, dating a Bro’s ex is a sure way to lose that friend forever.  Sure you were her friend when she was dating your boy, but as soon as they broke up; she lost you in the divorce.  So your friend breaks up with his girl, and she calls you to ‘vent’ or ‘just have someone to talk to’ JUST SAY NO.  Dude you are way too busy with your own pursuit of the fairer sex to listen to her whine about your boy. You wouldn’t listen to a first date drone on and on about her ex, why would you listen to her bad mouth your boy? Real bro’s aren’t the sympathetic shoulder to cry on, that’s what pathetic whiney metro non-closers were put on this Earth for.  Let the “Friendzone” guys smell her hair, and get all worked up while she sobs as he’s holding her hand watching Lifetime’s Movie of the Week, dreaming she might fall asleep next to him on the couch.  The REAL MEN, like you and me, Broseph we have better things to do, like close on some new chick or watch some football, or if you’re awesome like me…both at the same time.

Now what if your boy was really into this chick, and she dumped him?  If that is the case, a true Bro would never imagine dating that jezebel.  In fact, it’s your job to make sure your boy moves on as quickly as possible, and gets on to better things.  This includes, being rude to the ex, making her uncomfortable at bars or social settings where they used to hang out together, and to make sure their mutual friends all side with your bro.

What is this “real connection” line of BS?  Guys unless you’ve been reading too many Nicolas Sparks or Twilight books, you know that love is nothing more than a chemical reaction in the brain, comparable to eating large amounts of chocolate, and makes women totally susceptible to persuasion.  Bros don’t fall for this “real connection” line of CRAP.  Do you think she really felt a connection with you? Did you forget that your friend hooked up with her at a Halloween Party when they both came dressed as Lady Gaga? If she really had wanted you, she would’ve picked you, in your Royal Canadian Mountie Uniform.  So what is she really trying to do? She’s trying to make your friend jealous or mess with his mind.  Women are diabolical psychologically manipulative masterminds, they are trained at secret training summer camps from an early age, and have daily meetings in women’s restrooms across the world, that are equipped with Wi-Fi, so they can look guys up in their dude database.  If he dumped her, she’s out for blood, and she will use you or anyone else in her way to relish in her reciprocity.  Don’t be fooled bro, you’re only collateral damage in her eyes, and there is no “connection”.

If you don’t believe me, look at history.  Would Camelot have fallen if Lancelot hadn’t horizontally jousted with his boy Arthur’s chick?  Would Troy have fallen if Paris hadn’t hooked up with another man’s wife?  Guys, if we learned anything from Ghostbusters, we learned to “Never Cross the STREAMS!”  Seriously Bro, you wanna be Captain Picard, boldly go where no man’s gone before.  Don’t fall for this “The Notebook”-like propaganda, vampires don’t sparkle in the sunlight, no person would ever wait that long for someone, and NO GOOD CAN EVER COME FROM DATING YOUR FRIEND’S EX!!!

-Adam Knight

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Road Warrior Trivia for November 11th!!

QUESTION:  (24%) Nearly one quarter of married adults in the US, are afraid to do THIS with their spouse!  What is it?

A: Ride in the car with them! According to a USA Today Poll. 

Congrats to Shirley, she won free Caffe Capri. Tune In Monday at 4pm for more Road Warrior Trivia! If you ever miss the answer, I will post it here on my page, and as always better luck tomorrow!

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7 Plays Every Bro Should Know: From Barney Stinson’s “The Playbook”

If you didn’t know, WINNING and Being AWESOME are 2 of my Hobbies.  However for those of you that weren’t born with my natural gifts and abilities, you’re still in luck, because Barney Stinson has written a book to help you!

From “The Playbook: Suit Up. Score Chicks. Be Awesome.” here are the 7 Plays Every Bro Should Know:

These seven plays will get you started, and eventually you’ll be able to approach any beautiful woman you want and trick her into sleeping with a pathetic, smelly, failure like you. Read on, Bro.

THE DON’T DRINK THAT
Success Rate 
45%
Attracts chicks who don’t like being drugged
Requirements good hand-eye coordination
Prep Time none
Bummers 35% chance of getting your ass kicked

  1. Identify your target and just as she’s about to sip her drink, sprint over and stop her. You: “Don’t drink that! I saw some guy slip something in there.”
  2. When she asks who did it, look around and point to the smallest dude in the room or a bro you want to play a funny prank on.
  3. Let her reward you for saving her life.

THE MRS. STINSFIRE
Success Rate 
7%
Attracts college chicks
Requirements fat suit, old lady makeup, pince-nez spectacles . . . maybe some fake pearls?
Prep Time one semester
Bummers sorority rush procedures confusing

  1. Search college websites until you find a job listing for a sorority housemom. It might take several weeks to a lifetime but it’ll be worth it.
  2. Dress up like an old lady. Think Barbara Bush, Betty White, or present-day Rod Stewart.
  3. Once you get the job, introduce yourself to “your girls” and immediately start talking up your wealthy son.
  4. Convince the chapter to invest in a high-tech security system complete with a closed-circuit video surveillance package—you know, for safety.
  5. Have your “son” come to visit one weekend, suddenly take ill and retreat to your room, and set “him” loose.

THE LORENZO VON MATTERHORN
Success Rate 
20%
Attracts smartphone-wielding business types
Requirements basic knowledge of website design
Prep Time three quarters of a football game
Bummers basic knowledge of website design

  1. Think up a unique fake name. Have you got it? Good.
  2. Generate a series of websites devoted to the incredible life of your fake persona and upload them to the World Wide Web.
  3. Select your target, preferably someone with a real nice phone, approach her, and say, “Yeah, it’s me.” She’ll claim she doesn’t know who you are. Act incredulous and say your fake name slowly and loudly. When she says she’s still never heard of you, comment on what a refreshing change of pace it is to meet someone who isn’t after your autograph, your picture, your vast wealth, or your vast junk.
  4. Now make a quick exit but be sure to repeat your name again for her.
  5. As soon as you’re gone, she’ll get out her phone and do an Internet search. As she reads all about your fake persona, she’ll grow wild with passion.
  6. Return a few minutes later, offer to buy her a cup of coffee, and it is on.

THE SNASA
Success Rate 
13%
Attracts chicks with moon rocks for brains
Requirements none, though a helmet won’t hurt you
Prep Time T minus zero!
Bummers women dumb enough to believe in “SNASA”
often don’t know what NASA is

  1. Pick out a particularly dense-looking target . . . and by “dense” I’m not talking mass over volume.
  2. Point to your drink and mention that you’re only allowed to drink Tang up in space. When she asks if you’re an astronaut, immediately shush her. Look around, then say in a hushed tone that you shouldn’t be telling her this but you’re actually in a top secret government space program called Secret NASA . . . or SNASA.
  3. Offer to demonstrate what reentry feels like when returning from the smoon.

THE CHEAP TRICK
Success Rate 
40%
Attracts groupies, dummies, big hairies
Requirements denim jacket, Cheap Trick patch, hair extensions
Prep Time fifty minutes
Bummers uh . . . denim jacket?

  1. Attach the hair extensions to your melon. Affix the Cheap Trick patch to your newly acquired denim jacket. Put it on. Now, believe it or not, you’re ready to rock.
  2. Select your target.
  3. Position yourself within earshot of your target and, addressing nobody in particular, drop at least one of the following phrases:
    “Always great to meet a fan.”
    “Anyone know the yen exchange rate? Our world tour starts tomorrow.”
    “The hardest part of designing my guitar-shaped pool was deciding where to position the hot tub.”
  4. Overcome by curiosity, your target will ask who you are, and that’s when you say, “I’m the bass player for Cheap Trick. A major rock band.” If she doesn’t believe you, model your patch for her. With any luck she’ll reciprocate the favor, and you’ll be out of that denim jacket before you know it.

THE “HE’S NOT COMING”
Success Rate 
.5%
Attracts romantics, very recently scorned lovers
Requirements Empire State Building, a dashing, Cary Grantesque mid-Atlantic accent (recommended but not required)
Prep Time travel to New York
Bummers
•      numbers game
•      can be time-consuming
•      gets chilly on top of Empire State Building

  1. Travel to New York and go to the observation deck of the Empire State Building.
  2. Walk up to every girl you see and solemnly say, “He’s not coming.”
  3. Repeat step 2 until a girl breaks down on your shoulder.
  4. Kablammo.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Barney Stinson has slept with countless women yet has never had a pregnancy scare he’s legally aware of.  When not explaining how to be awesome on his popular website www.barneysblog.com, Barney enjoys modeling underwear, bottling one of his 83 wine labels, and being photographed with orphans, abandoned puppies, or anything that really sells “vulnerable” when accompanied by a Sarah McLachlan song.

Matt Kuhn is a writer for the TV show How I Met Your Mother. In addition to producing “Barney’s Blog” and The Playbook: Suit Up. Score Chicks. Be Awesome (™ & © 2010 by Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation), he has written five episodes for the show including “Slapsgiving,” “Three Days of Snow,” and “Double Date.” He has also written two other books in collaboration with Barney Stinson: The Bro Code and Bro on the Go. Matt lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Alecia, and their dog, Maggie, who, despite being full-grown, is not taller than his knee — a clear violation of The Bro Code. Oops.

Read more: http://www.tipsonlifeandlove.com/love-and-relationships/7-plays-every-bro-should-know-by-barney-stinson#ixzz1dQbuoNSe

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Road Warrior Trivia for November 10th!!

QUESTION:  90% of kids have of these old-fashioned devices – what?

ANSWER: Piggy-bank

Congrats to Corey, she won free Caffe Capri. Tune In Tomorrow at 4pm for more Road Warrior Trivia! If you ever miss the answer, I will post it here on my page, and as always better luck tomorrow!

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Nixon’s formerly Classified Grand Jury Testimony!

Okay, Yes, I was a Political Science Major at Texas A&M, and yes, stuff like this interests me.  Evidently a historian at the University of Wisconsin thought so too, because he was able to get this testimony de-classified and published online. If you want to see it here is the link:

OFFICIAL SITE OF THE US GOVERNMENT PRINTING OFFICE

Here’s the pretext to the links to the PDFs of this testimony:

“In May 1975, the Watergate Special Prosecution Force (WSPF) decided that it was necessary to question former President Richard M. Nixon in connection with various investigations being conducted by the WSPF. Mr. Nixon was questioned over the period of two days, June 23 and June 24, 1975, and the testimony was taken as part of various investigations being conducted by the January 7, 1974, Grand Jury for the District of Columbia (the third Watergate Grand Jury). Chief Judge George Hart signed an order authorizing that the sworn deposition of Mr. Nixon be taken at the Coast Guard Station in San Mateo, California with two members of the grand jury present.”

I may be the only person interested in this, but I’ve read through the first couple of pages of Nixon’s testimony, and from my reading, he was one self-assured, self righteous, megalomaniacal son of a gun!  I am probably gonna have to go check out the new movie about Hoover after reading this.

-Adam Knight

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Adam Knight

Monday-Friday 2p-6p

I’m Adam Knight, Fightin Texas Aggie Class of 98.  I’ve been your Afternoon on Air DJ since 2005.

Most people know me for my Road Warrior Trivia Question, that I ask each weekday at 4pm. I try attend as many Aggie Football home games and Aggie Basketball games at Reed, as I can each season.  I am a huge fan of the Texas Renaissance Festival. You can find me out and about on Northgate, at the Tap, or on the golf course.

Add me as a friend on Facebook, follow me on twitter, or just listen in Weekdays from 2pm til 6pm.