No one wants to be Irish on Economy Day or Finding A Job Day. But come Drinking Day suddenly everyone’s begorring their leprechauns and generally proving they’re as Irish as a really good point guard. So here’s your guide to being an awesomely terrible fake-Irish person on St. Patrick’s Day.
Due in large part to the fact that March 17th is one of the few days that people wish they were pale gingers, I personally love St. Patty’s day.
So naturally, I had to post an angry Irish rant from a guy who I’m imagining looks something like this:
Anyway, here are the 8 things he hates to see people do on St. Patrick’s Day:
8.) Wear a Kiss Me I’m Irish T-Shirt
7.) Call it St. Patty’s (whoops)
6.) Wear a Flag Cape
5.) Try To Use a Cupla Focail
4.) Thank St. Patrick for Anything
3.) Sing Rebel Songs and Hate the English
2.) Drink Far Too Much
1.) Drink Green Beer
Obviously, this guy doesn’t like fun. Green Beer is by FAR my favorite part. And no, I don’t think anyone really believes the Irish created this.
Here’s his full article on CRACKED
I think he’s on crack.
How will you be spending St. Patrick’s Day? And where can I find some fekkin’ green beer?
Thursday means Party on the Patio at Ozona Grill & Bar! Come join us tonight for cheap drinks, crawfish, and an awesome musical guest.
Our Rock the Republic featured artist this week is my friend, Adam/Brad Mitchell. Sure I might be a little biased, but you don’t want to miss this performance.
Check out Adam’s music below (and my initial reaction LOL) then come hear him tonight at 8 pm!
And, if you’re wondering about tonight’s $3 drink special.. it’s a “BRACKET BUSTER..” it’s contents are very similar to a shot that guys find funny to buy me at bars. haha
If you’re stumped, stop by tonight and give it a try.
See yall there!
So Bear Grylls was fired by the Discovery channel the other day, putting to bed one of the biggest arguments I’ve ever instigated: Survivorman Les Stroud was and always will be better than Man vs Wild.
I’ve broken the two men down to help you in this tough decision.
Bear Grylls. Host of Man vs. Wild. Former soldier in the British Special Air Services; youngest Briton ever to climb to the summit of Mt. Everest.
•Survival Strengths: Can climb just about anything; has a million ways to make a compass; very fit; willing to take a risk to survive; purposefully puts himself in worst possible scenarios in order to show his TV audience how to deal with them; unmatched intestinal fortitude; knows all of the survival techniques from the British Special Forces and the French Foreign Legion.
•Survival Weaknesses: Mother Nature will make him pay for that bravado of his; has never been truly alone in a survival situation, and thus is less cautious; somewhat of a carnivore, taking less opportunities from the plants around him; take away his flint and he might never see fire again; that barge on the river Thames isn’t exactly the best place for him to practice his skills. And what happens when you take away the camera crew and snacks?!
•Ideal Location for Showdown: Any rough terrain where he can exploit his climbing ability.
Les Stroud. Host of Survivorman. Survival instructor from Canada, where his backyard is one of the toughest environments on Earth.
•Survival strengths: Can make a fire from just about anything; Efficient hunter and trapper; has been in many survival situations where he is truly alone; takes a more realistic approach to survival, an example more worth following; the knowledge that, no matter how much you have in terms of tools and knowledge at your disposal, the most important survival tool is to keep a cool head and not panic; he lives in Canada, for crying out loud.
•Survival Weaknesses: While Stroud is fit, his age (45) might give a physical disadvantage against Grylls; lives in Canada, and when in very warm environments (e.g. Costa Rica rainforest), he can be very much out of his element; struggles a lot more when climbing, but not having to haul camera gear might him more evenly matched;
•Ideal location for showdown: Any location that is cold.
If you’ve watched the two shows, this is a no brainer. Les Stroud uses items you might have on you while in one of these situations, so imagine what he could do with an entire plane!!
I know my and the Discovery Channels answer, but which would you rather?
If you haven’t heard of this book, it’s like
crack “Twilight” for adults. (So, yes, you can only imagine the literary masterpiece that is currently New York Time’s runaway bestseller.)
Because there’s no point in wasting your time reading 300 pages of this garbage, I’ve reduced it to just 15 lines for you. Throw in some dominant-submissive relationships and male $#*@&^($ and I present to you “50 Shades of Grey.”
Sounds like she might have diarrhea in a few of those.
thanks to buzzfeeed for the pictures which only make the quotes more ridic.
You’ve got your plane ticket ready, your hotel booked, your bags packed, and your semi adult mind already considering all the things you might be ashamed of at the end of next week.
But you know what could ruin all this mindless partying and fun? A hostile “Taken” situation that leaves you wishing your dad was an ex CIA operative and not an electrician or furniture salesman. Because really, nothing puts a damper on Spring Break faster than the possibility of being abducted.
So on that note, here’s a chain email I was sent last night that actually contains some valuable information, which I will then mar by my own suggestions at the end of this blog.
1.) Tip from Tae Kwon Do:
The elbow is the strongest point on your body.
If you are close enough to use it, do!
2.) If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. I repeat DO NOT HAND IT OVER TO HIM.
Instead, toss it away from you. Chances are he’s more interested in your wallet/fake Prada than you and your fake tan and he’ll go for the bag.
It doesn’t take Liam Neeson to tell you when this happens, run like a mad man in the other direction.
3.) If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights, stick your arm out the hole, and start waving like crazy.
The driver won’t see you, but everybody else will.
This has saved lives.
4.) Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (making lists, reapplying make-up, TEXTING, well STOP)
A predator could be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.
AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.
If someone is in the car with a gun to your head, DO NOT DRIVE OFF.
Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you.
If the person is in the back seat, they will get the worst of it .
As soon as the car crashes bail out and run.
It is better to have to come find and fix your car rather than someone come find your body in a remote location.
5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot or parking garage:
A.) Be aware:
look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door.
Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side.. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.
IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control,
The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times (I like those odds) And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ.
RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic:
It may get you raped, or killed.
Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
9.) The exact opposite of everything these girls do at a foreign airport. (Unless of course your dad is Scottish, then it’s okay so long as you don’t mind losing a friend along the way).
If all else fails, try this:
If you’re in Mexico, try it George Noory style:
..or you can always just sit at home and donate money to Uganda. That seems slightly less dangerous.
happy spring break! (#^@%!$@S)