Crazy Things Men THINK Women Do on Facebook

Well thank God that men have their own portal for crappy advice in the form of AskMen.com.

So shut it about Cosmo okay guys? This is what you guys are spouting off about to one another.

“Crazy Things Women Do on Facebook”
by: some *@&#^@#
commentary by: yours truly

Women set up fake profiles to follow exes on Facebook
This one may seem a bit extreme, but it is certainly not unheard-of for a woman to set up a fake Facebook persona in order to creep on her ex’s profile. At the very least, she might get a mutual friend to allow her a little access to an ex’s Facebook page. Whether you broke up badly or it was mostly mutual, if you don’t keep in touch, she probably wants to know what you’re up to. Instead of calling or e-mailing you, it’s easier and less embarrassing to scope out your profile while you are blissfully unaware that she is checking up on you. If you want to prevent this from happening, don’t add any strangers to your friends list. If you have a friend you know is still in touch with her, keep your interactions limited.

How do I say this nicely? The only reason we are “checking” up on you, is to verify a rumor we’ve already heard, like “oh yeah he’s dating someone new and she’s fug” or “yeah, his facebook statuses are emo and hilarious”.. I think very rarely would a woman just perouse your facebook to “see how you’re doing” .. because honestly, we don’t really care. (If we did we would call or email. duhh)

Women manipulate through Facebook photos
The photos a woman posts on her profile can be innocent — or they can be totally manipulative. Another crazy thing women do on Facebook is to put up embarrassing or compromising photos of people that have gotten on her bad side. When a guy breaks up with a girl and the next day photos of him in one of her dresses hit her profile, it’s not only vindictive, but also pretty immature.

A woman might also use her Facebook photo albums to present an image of herself that doesn’t exactly match up to reality. In her photos she might appear more sexy, more adventurous and altogether more exciting than she is in real life.

What if a girl doesn’t have a lot of facebook photos? By this logic it’s safe to say not only is she boring and not adventurous at all, but she’s also probably some hideous and incestuous disaster who will die alone with her 30 cats! Right? RIGHT?! Because that’s basically the conclusions these jackwads are jumping to.

Women post passive-aggressive Facebook status updates
The Facebook status update can share big news with your friends or the mundane activities of your day, but for some women they can also serve an emotionally manipulative purpose. Whether it’s because she hates confrontation or she just wants the world to know what a jerk her boyfriend is, some women use their status updates to air complaints about their relationship instead of sitting down and talking it out directly. For example: “Valerie visited the jewelery store and is tired of waiting!!!!” could be a not-so-subtle clue that she doesn’t want to wait for that engagement ring much longer. Post-breakup, a woman might post status updates that hint at a crazy social life: “Melanie is exhausted from a crazy night!” or “Jessica is having a great day,” are both the types of messages that say a lot more when they come right after a big breakup.

Maybe Melanie really IS exhausted and Jessica IS having a great day! In fact, I’d venture to say if the two of them were dating guys in any way, shape, or form similiar to the man who wrote this little gem, they are entitled to it. Why do men assume that when a woman is dumped, she immediately hits the couch seeking solace from Ben and Jerry?

..I did that once, but it was cut short because both Ben and Jerry had to leave early for work in the morning.

Women post ambiguous relationship photos
It’s not uncommon to see pictures of women with their arms around their friends, kissing them on the cheek, whether their friends are men or women. For some, these may be innocuous expressions of affection for their good friends, but for others they could be an attempt to elicit an envious response from their partners. These ambiguous photos with other guys could also cause other people to question the strength of her relationship with her boyfriend.

If it’s a single girl posting pics of her getting close to guys without making it clear whether or not they are dating, it can throw people off when they are thinking about making a move, causing them to be unsure of whether or not she’s already taken.

This is just stupid. I used to have a picture of an old boyfriend in one of my really old profile pics, and I vividly remember the day another boyfriend all but demanded I take it down. Insecurity.. not attractive.

Posting a fake relationship status
Some unattached women choose “in a relationship” for their profile just so people won’t start matchmaking or single-girl-pitying. A single woman of a certain age is a prime target for people who think everyone should be paired off in “happily ever after” relationships. Some single women even arrange with one of their close girlfriends to be “in a relationship” with each other to avoid this kind of condescending sympathy. They’d rather raise questions about their sexual orientation than leave the space blank.

Okay yes, I’ve seen lots of my facebook friends do stupid stuff like posting an “in a relationship” with some sorority sister of theirs, but honestly in some cases I can’t say for sure the status was entirely false.. but I’ve never known a woman to put up an “in a relationship” status when she’s painfully single and looking to date.

That’s like saying there are guys who go out hoping to get hit on by wearing fake wedding rings.. OH WAIT. Desperation is a stinky cologne.

women do crazy things on facebook
Facebook can be a force for good when it’s used responsibly, but it can also be destructive to a relationship or a reputation if the person who wields the power thinks she can do so with impunity. Unfortunately, if she’s determined to keep it up, there’s not much you can do about any of these behaviors other than expressing your displeasure and asking her to cut it out. If she’s your girlfriend she should have enough consideration for you to hear you out. If she’s your ex, all you can do is kick yourself in the ass for agreeing to try on that dress in the first place.

Phew. I haven’t laughed so hard in a WHILE.

What do you think of this?

Do women do crazy things on facebook?

Happy stalking!

-Katy

Out of Dating Tips?

Bad advice, typically dating advice, is everywhere. From humoring Patti’s crazy ideas on the Millionaire Matchmaker to painfully watching the cast of Jersey Shore try and bring home anything with a pulse, nothing surprises us anymore.

Until now.

Enjoy this blast from the past with dating advice circa 1938.

(I think it’s safe to say that avoiding misogyny was not a top priority here.)

Funny story, I actually don’t like when people see me reapplying my makeup. I always try and do that when no one is looking.
Hmmm, this explains why I’m still single both in 1938 and now.

Especially don’t talk about clothes if you’re wearing a knitted sweater. How awful would that conversation be?

I feel your pain guy, keep smoking that cig.

So THAT’S what I’ve been doing wrong! Ladies, clearly we should only talk about what the boring man with bad hair is interested in and obviously, the men are never in the wrong.

But why is drinking frowned upon? In this date it seems to be the only reason the girl is still at the table..

Nothing like saying to hell with the rules – 1938 style.

GAME OVER.

I’m actually happy for the little lush. Clearly it’s demanding and time consuming doting on your date and hanging on his every boring word. Girl needs a nap after that epic fail.

All in all, I’d nothing has changed.

If men were still gentlemen, women would act like ladies.

New and Creepy Service Tests Panties for “Leftovers”

I wish I was making this up.

Here’s quite possibly the most upsetting new service I’ve heard about in a long time: a company offers to search your wife or girlfriend’s panties for semen, then DNA-test it to see if she’s cheating on you. Oh, and you can also use this service on your daughter.. Because obviously, stealing her underwear and having it anyalyzed is definitely a better option than just talking to her about sex.

Infidelity DNA Testing’s incredibly creepy press release asks, “How many times have victims had the horrible feeling that their husband, wife or partner was cheating on them but were afraid to confront their partners without 100% non-disputable proof?” If the Clinton administration taught us anything, it’s that all infidelity scenarios are made much better through semen analysis..

Apparently all it takes for satistfaction (if that’s what you want to call it) is a pair of soiled underwear, explains one Kip Charles, who appears to be in charge of Infidelity DNA Testing.

“The process is simple. Just provide us an article of clothing preferably underwear or panties and we will do the rest. We can identify if semen is present, make sure it’s viable for dna extraction and then do a final comparison to make sure the DNA belongs to the correct person.”

I’m going to go out on a limb and say this man was not loved enough as a child.

He adds, “There is just no legitimate reason or lie that a wife can come up with for having another man’s semen in her panties.” Well, that’s true.. but why stop with wives? Users can submit men’s underwear too, to be tested for semen or for incriminating juices.

Read the entire press release here.

The scariest part of this whole scheme is Infidelity DNA Testing’s suggestion that you use its semen detection service to find out if “your daughter is having sex.”

The test “costs a little less than $200 to get started,” and “the value you get from infidelity DNA testing outweighs the initial investment.” Unless you get divorced or ship your slutty teen to an all girls boarding school.. then it will cost you a @*!& ton.

If you’re as confused as I am, let’s get this straight.. in order for this to work.. the person has to have unprotected sex.. then leave the incriminating evidence (soiled undies) just laying around for you to find. Which, if he/she is making it THIS obvious, why fork over $200? Chances are there are other signs out there that indicate cheating, and if you are seriously considering stealing underwear from someone to have tested for another man’s semen, I’d say, in the understatement of the year, you’re relationship is in trouble.

What does Infedility DNA testing really offer you? Advice. If you are seriously considering working with them, you should break up.. for free.

And, if you are cheating, maybe you should start watching your panty drawer..

BONUS: They service Bryan.

..thanks and gig’em.

Would you EVER consider this? Let me know!

Happy semen hunting.
-Katy