Katy Dempsey
Monday-Friday: 10a-2p
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How to Pull a Robbery
Monday, December 12th, 2011
No, not that kind.
This past weekend, my friend was out at a bar meeting up with a guy from her class. She had a major crush on him and she was super excited he’d asked her out.. so why did she end up with his best friend?
The answer? It was a classic robbery. And here’s how it happened:
How to Pull a Robbery
1. Pick the right target: This is important. The guy was good, he knew that the best girls for this are the ones that obviously do not know someone very well. She’s not intimately touching him and maybe her arms are crossed or her attention is at times elsewhere. In other words ladies, anytime you look like you’re bored of one guy, that’s like an open invitation to other guys.
2. Patiently wait for a distraction. A lot of things happen in a bar when a guy has to turn away. This is what got my friend. Her date went to the restroom and literally took forever. Of course she ended up with someone else.. and though the guy is sort of mad about it now, that’s his own fault.
And remember, when a drunk idiot tries to approach a girl on the dance floor who’s actively dancing with another guy.. things never end well.
Advice from the Text Line: A pause is needed. For the first few seconds of your approach, the robbery victim shouldn’t even know that his prospect is getting hollered at. He should back turn around, see his chick enjoying a chat with you, and think, “wtf?!”
Advice from the Text Line: Do not let your girl out of your sight until you make out with her. Going to the bathroom on a girl you haven’t kissed is a risk in sausagefest environments.
3. Do not engage the guy. Don’t be friendly with him and don’t make eye contact with him, because it will just give him an in to come back. And without that he just has to sit back and hope she ditches you.
Advice from the Text Line: Make sure the guy is smaller than you. If a fight is to break out, you’re not going home with the girl if you get your @$# kicked.
4. This one is absolute genius. But make sure you lower his game. How? You know he’s watching every move you make.. so tell the girl, “By the way, that guy you were talking to is staring at us pretty hard right now. I think he likes you a lot.” Almost always the girl will discount him by saying, “Yeah I just met him.” Sometimes she’ll hate on him outright. A girl will never say “I should go back and talk to him.” Never. I guarantee that.
5. Prevent the reverse robbery. Let’s be honest.. the guy is going to be mad. He’ll probably stand sulking nearby, staring hard. The smarter guys realize what’s going on and say something like, “Oh hey, I lost you for a second.” But it’s super important to change locales.. so that any appearance by the guy makes it seem like he’s stalking her. If he pops up at the next place, she’ll label him a creeper.
Advice from the Text Line: Rookie Mistake– You may be wondering, “Won’t the girl immediately turn me down if I approach when she still wants to talk to the other guy?” No.
Think about it, she may want to make the guy jealous by talking to you, never guessing that your game is tighter and she will actually become more attracted to you instead.
But remember, your robbery attempt will only succeed if your overall value is higher than the guy’s. If you’re a loser and the other guy is obviously way cooler than you.. you’re doomed.
Advice from the Text Line: You will not even rob a pack of bubblegum if your game is weak.
Have you ever pulled a robbery?
-Katy
Justin Bieber’s Message to My Dad
Friday, December 9th, 2011
Justin Bieber loves me.
Here’s a perfectly timed shot of his face proving that.
And check out his message to my (or any other girl with photoshop’s) dad.
He says, “Hey Dad, it’s Justin, your daughter wanted us to chat. I feel like we got off on the wrong foot, I mean I get it, I’m a huge mega star, I got a full head of hair…
But it could be a lot worse. Think about it. Guys her age… Well, remember when you were her age? Yeah, exactly… I’m a great distraction. She won’t even think about him and someday you might even thank me.
So next time you hear her scream my name, relax. It’s better than hearing her scream ‘Joey’ who lives next door. Am I right?”
Pretty funny Biebs. Pretty funny.
Watch it here or make your own.
Happy cropping!
-Katy
SIDENOTE: my dad would be worried about ME corrupting HIM..
How to Fix a Broken Zipper
Thursday, December 8th, 2011
Have you ever contemplated throwing away a perfectly good pair, maybe even your favorite pair of jeans because the zipper keeps falling down?
I have your solution, and it is so simple I can not believe I never thought of it. You’re welcome.
Just attach the split key ring to the top of your zipper.
Zip up the pants and loop key ring around button.
Now button your pants and be free from embarrassing XYZ comments all day long.
AND fun fact: the circle on your keys is called a split key ring.. in case you ever need to post something about it.
-Katy
HO-NO: Listen to Johnny Depp’s Controversial Christmas Song
Tuesday, December 6th, 2011
Johnny Depp never ceases to amaze me. He’s recently decided to lend his voice for the offensive lyrics that comprise a controversial new Christmas song by the British band Babybird.
In a move he most certainly had to see coming, conservative groups Christian Coalition and Focus on the Family have lashed out at the actor at this blasphemous slap in the face to both religion and the holidays.
From what I can understand of the gibberish, the song tells the story of a group of teenagers who hire a Jesus look-alike to organize a stag night- which we could call a bachelor party down here. Over the course of the drunken night, the son of God ends up passed out and possibly dead, and it’s revealed that he’s not just a copycat, but the real Jesus.
Obviously some groups would have a problem with this.
And, because the entire time he sort of channels his drunken Jack Sparrow voice I have decided it’s easier to read some of the offending garbage.
Such lyrical gems include: “Saw a man in a bar with his hair like a lady/ Bloody thorns round his ear like he was a crazy/ He had holes in his hands and a cross for a spine/ Crushed a berry in his Perrier and called it wine.”
It continues with: “I can’t remember where I was last night/ Think I was hanging naked off a church spire/ Tied by my ankles to a weather vane/ Felt like I was Jesus on fire/ Cuffed to the bumper of a big truck/ I begged my dad to take me to a strip bar/ Drank kerosene through my eyeballs/ Drove myself home in a stolen car.”
And my personal favorite: “Saw a man lying on the floor beaten up/ He had a fish finger sandwich and a yellow M coffee cup/ I bent down drunk and tried to pick him up/ But when I turned around I could see it was Jesus.”
What is so stupid about this whole thing is that obviously this was created with the intent of making people mad. For Johnny Depp or the Babybird’s to say that’s not the case is just ridiculious. The whole song is essentially about killing Jesus- which no matter how you view religion is not a harmless message.
Listen to “Jesus Stag Night Club” here and let me know what you think..
Are people too easily offended this time of year? Or is the cause for the outrage totally justified?
-Katy
Sext. Abbrevs.
Monday, December 5th, 2011
There’s just something soo naughty about abbreviating sext messages.. it’s like.. I want to say something dirty, but I feel lazy and don’t quite want to type it all out.
So here’s a little list of the abbreviations you should know. Stop me if you’ve heard these before, but I can almost guarantee you haven’t.. EVER.
My favorite is #5.
HAHA. Either I am way behind the times, or this is totally bs..
And, isn’t the point of sexting to turn someone on? I mean sure you want to stimulate the other person’s imagination.. but you don’t want to leave them so in the dark he/she doesn’t even know it’s happening. A random assortment of letters just doesn’t do it for me.. but are there actual sexting abbreviations? Maybe some you and your partner share?
BONUS: the guy in the article above it is named “Cummings.”