As more couples opt out of or delay the traditional markers of relationship maturity (marriage, babies), many of them seem to be compensating by adopting dogs instead. When unmarried couples decide to split, however, without the formality of an official legal process to divide up the assets, figuring out who gets to walk away with the pets in tow can be especially dicey. After all, divvying up that semi-decrepit living room furniture you two found on the street is probably much less contentious than hashing out who gets the loyal Labradoodle. So, as a solution, more couples are opting to do what my ex and I did and work out an agreement wherein the dog’s time is split between both people—a dogvorce, if you will.
Besides, owning a dog requires a lot of time, work, and money—sometimes too much for one person to manage on their own. The same wage stagnation, student debt, and declining home ownership that cause couples to delay or opt out of parenthood make solo dog ownership more challenging as well. It’s not entirely surprising that millennials have figured out a way to combine these shortcomings.
One survey found that one in 20 pet owners in relationships have a “pet nup,” a custodial agreement that stipulates who gets to keep the pet, and can also cover things like visitation schedules, ownership of vet bills, who gets to make decisions about their health, and more. Although precedent for pet nups has largely been set by married people, because dogvorces have become more common and the case law around them grows more nuanced, the parameters now apply to unmarried, cohabitating couples as well.
Both pet and legal experts agree that the ideal custody arrangement involves one primary owner who lives with the dog full-time and makes most of the decisions. Then the other “visiting” dog parent can take the dog whenever the primary goes out of town, works late, or needs extra help. In disputed scenarios where couples go to court without a pet nup, judges tend to treat dogs like property, as opposed to family, and consider who can prove they paid for or were gifted the animal first, rather than who can provide the best home for the dog.
“Allowing your dog to have a home-base will help prevent your dog from picking up behavioral issues,” dog trainer and former zookeeper Stephanie Mantilla explained. Stress and insecurity about a frequently changing environment can cause dogs to misbehave out of frustration and confusion, she warns. If the goal is for both people to have equitable time, it will usually be to the dog’s detriment. “What’s best for your dog isn’t necessarily what you may find fair regarding equal time.”
Via GQ